Movie Review - Thirst

Thirst

2015

The Cast

This film is in the Aliens mould, as it's more action with a side order of science fiction, and a little horror thrown in.

This is the story of a woman in a strange and dangerous place and who has a new child to feed.  So she sets out on her quest to feed her new borne... and only the blood of the humans will do...  An alien and her child crash in the desert where an outdoor Boot Camp has just received its new arrivals of troubled teens.  While out on the hike that will make them or break them, they come across the body of a dead neighbour.  All the fluids have been sucked out of his body...  now the hike has turned into a race for survival.

Though there's not much originality in the script or the film, the opening is very reminiscent of both the original and remake of The Blob, it's the direction and pace of the film which will keep the attention of the audience.  Director, Kiefer, is quite proficient at making a scene interesting.  A nice camera angle here and a just sweeping pan there.  This all helps to create an energetic and frenetic atmosphere, which is brilliant for an action based movie.

There is one nice original twist to the story though.  It's not the troubled teens that rush head-long into danger... it's the adults, who should know better.  I really liked this transposition of stereotypes.  It works especially well in the scene where the helicopter pilot won't take off - the surviving kids are just wanting to get out of the desert alive, but it's the pilot who stomps away singing, "Let's Go Die!"

The special effects are okay, though you can tell all the money went on the cyborg alien.  I must admit that I actually liked its design.  It's like a Centaur bred with a dog bred with a toaster.  The way it's skin and flesh hang off its mechanical skeleton looks pretty good.  The other thing I liked about the alien is the lack of backstory or origin.  You don't know if it's a robot or a cyborg or who or what created it.  It's not needed and the human victims wouldn't know.  It really bugs me when, in these situations, the hunted seems to know, or figures out, and understands everything about their "mysterious" hunter - making it less mysterious.

The acting is above average; nothing outstanding but nothing to switch off over.  All the cast do an appealing job with the character they're given, even though these are two-dimensional and stereotyped; this film is full of the usual suspects.

As it stands this is an enjoyable action flick.  Though it would have been nice to see a little more science fiction and horror elements in there.  There are a few opportunities for both.  The night scenes were ideal for the horror, and Kiefer does add a few tense and suspenseful moments.  There could have been a few more.  A couple in daylight wouldn't have gone amiss also.  Since the alien is part machine, this could have been used to expand the sci-fi elements.  It would have also been better had the alien's transport not been a meteor-like object, which is so overused.

I would recommend this to everybody who wants to waste a little time with a "Leave Your Brain At The Door" movie.  Get the popcorn and drinks and enjoy.

I give this a Fast & Furious Bodily Fluids Sucking 6.75 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Godzilla: Planet Of The Monsters

Godzilla:

Planet Of The Monsters

2017

The Cast

The Earth became a battleground when monsters of myth and legend began to surface.  The army was quick to dispatch them.  Though no sooner than one was killed another arose to take its place.  Until he arose... Godzilla.  No matter what the armies of the world could throw at him, he just kept coming.  Even the intervention of two alien species had no better luck at killing him.  His one single goal, to destroy all humankind.  Having only the option of escape, the remaining populace took to their ships and headed into space, searching for a new planet to call home.  With no new world in sight and supplies running low, they devise a plan to head home to Earth and destroy Godzilla.

This is a beautifully animated film.  The artwork is superb, but it's the colourisation that really adds a great depth and atmosphere to the movie.  The story is very Japanese in its origin as it constantly asks the one big question; you know the one about life, the universe, and everything?  Evidently, they don't agree with the answer of 42...  So there's a lot of angst and anxiety flowing through the whole story.  If you're suffering from depression, this may not be the film to watch right now.  However, when they return to terra firma, the action really heats up and the pace flies at a breakneck speed.  this is done so well, you should find yourself perched on the edge of your seat.  Another great thing is the soundtrack.  The full orchestration is rousing and motivating and is used superbly to create atmosphere and mood.  This is one all-around finely crafted film.

The characters are strong and have their own beliefs and way of acting on issues.  This is always a good thing as it adds interest for the audience.  Whether, it's the single-minded drive of Haruo Sakaki, to kill Godzilla and reclaim their heritage of Earth or his friend's manipulation of the council to get Sakaki released, so he can become a hero and gain power and acclimation, there are enough stories intertwined to keep it interesting.  The vocal talents do well with their roles, putting the right amount of emotion into their portrayals.  I have found that in most manga and anime there can be a tendency to go overboard, especially in the action or comedic scenes... things tend to get shouty.  Here, however, everything worked perfectly.

If you've not watched any manga before then I would recommend this as a good starting point.  I would also shout out to all manga and anime lovers to watch this flick.  I am looking forward to the following chapters.

I give this a monstrously huge 7.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - 2010: Moby Dick

2010: Moby Dick

2010

The Cast

The Asylum V's Herman Melville in the Moby Dick Re-Dux.

This is where I start to wave the B-Movie flag above my head and scream "Yeah!"  There's a lot I like about this film... most of it being Bostwick's interpretation of Captain Ahab.  There's a joyous insanity about it.  I also liked the location.  No longer onboard a ship we're placed in the confines of a submarine and actually get to take on the great white one in his own territory.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work as well as it should.

Not having read the Melville tome I cannot compare the two, though I do hope they stuck to the story; like they did with War Of The Worlds and The Day The Earth Stopped.

Though, I do believe Bales did an admirable job of updating the story as well as changing the location to work within its confines.  Of course, there are your usual Asylum staples, such as helicopters being taken out of midair... usually without damage to the beastie of the moment.  Though I really did like the whale watchers tour scene, you know what's coming, but hey, you're still gonna love it.

The acting, for the most part, is decent.  And as I stated earlier, Bostwick has fun with Ahab.  Though, I believe it's Renee O'Connor, of Xena and Hercules fame, who gets the short end of the stick.  She is underused in this film and I don't believe that her character was meaty enough to compete with or complement that of Ahab.

The other good part of the film is Moby Dick itself.  There are some nice scenes where he's visible, such as the beginning on the ice.  For 2010, it's passable... though it's starting to look a bit rough and cheap today.  Though there is a good scene towards the end.  A Navy man runs into the shallows of the beach, believing there's a chance of being saved.  Unfortunately, we realise before he does that he's not in any shallows... as we see Moby Dick open his eye under the water.  In one movement, he flicks the man into the air and catches him in mid-flight.  The worst part is the budget.  So, even though Moby looks okay, by the time we reach the finale the effects are looking laughable.  The scene where Moby has a couple trapped behind a rock on the beach is one of the worst green screens I've seen.

This isn't the best Asylum film I've watched, though it isn't the worst either.  It's worth one watch just for Bostwick.  So for fans of updated classics, The Asylum, and Barry Bostwick I would gladly recommend this for at least one viewing.

I give this white behemoth a 5 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Kong Lives

King Kong Lives

1986

The Cast

It took a long time to make a sequel to the remake of King Kong from 1979... and I can see why... lack of a decent story.  And it's the story and ropy special effects that hurt this film.

So the movie opens with the ending of the 1979 remake; Kong's fall from the tower.  However, he doesn't die.  As the years pass the doctors realise his heart is failing and his blood is poisoned.  They could fit an artificial heart but without a transfusion, Kong will die.  Enter Hank Mitchell (Kerwin), who whilst exploring the African continent comes across a second giant gorilla... phew, just in time to save the plotline...  Even better for the plot, the ape is female.  Against the lead doctor's advice, Amy Franklin (Hamilton), the college assigned to study Kong ship the female across, instead of just taking her blood.  Of course, when you put two giant apes together, of different genders, things are bound to get amorous and frisky.  As with humans, love and lust can drive apes to do desperate deeds.  However, instead of running amuck, the apes settle down to domestic bliss... which totally upsets Lt Col Nevitt as he has some really expensive weapons to play with... and Goddamnit, he's gonna play with them and so sets out to destroy the happy couple.

Okay, so I'm making light of the story plot, but hey, that, in a nutshell, is the story.  For a creature feature, there's way too many scenes of Mr & Mrs K sitting around picking racoons off of each other.  Also, the fact that it's two men in Gorilla costumes is so evident it's laughable, especially today.  This section of the film doesn't wear well after an age.  However, it's the other effects that add strength to the action sequences of the film.  The fight scenes between apes and army are well done and are paced so well as to actually be exciting.

The other thing that carries the film is the acting.  Though the leads, Brian Kerwin and Linda Hamilton are very good in their roles, it was John Ashton as Nevitt that made this film for me.

I'd not really recommend this film to anybody.  To be truthful, the original movie is still superb and better than this, let alone the Peter Jackson Remake and the latest action flick Kong: Skull Island, both of which are superior in every way.  Though if you like your monster movies with a heavy dose of cheesiness then maybe you can give this a go... it does have it's good points.

I give this two-for-one Kong a slightly boring 5.25 out of 10.

The Trailers

Movie Review - Lake Placid

Lake Placid

(1999)

Fox 2000 Pictures / Phoenix Pictures / Rocking Chair Productions : Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation / 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

8 / 10

Now, this is a monster movie for the twenty-first century.  A good romp through the bizarreness of science fiction.  In the fifties, it was the fear of radiation; now, it's mother nature.

There's no explanation of the killer croc being where it is, though all the experts say it shouldn't be there.  Be we don't need to know why it's in the lake, all we are worried about is the gory fun that will ensue because it is.

The strange thing about the film is that it's not really about the two lead roles.  I think this is down to the writers developing better roles in the Hecter Cyr played flamboyantly by Oliver Platt and Sheriff Hank Keough spiritedly portrayed by Brenden Gleeson and the repartee they have between them.  Then when Betty White come on the scene as Mrs Delores Bickerman, the croc's mother, she steals the show.  Which is a shame for Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda as they look adrift next to the minor roles.

The director, Steve Minor does an expert job of building up the pace and keeping the excitement and humour rolling along at an increasing pace.

For the most part, the special effects are superb some of the hardest things to do are to create fur on animals and get their movements correct the digital artists did really good work here, and it was 1999.  Stan Winston and his studios looked after the hard effects and the puppet crocodile, which is amazing in its lifelike quality.

If you're looking for good fun that you don't need to think about just enjoy then I'd recommend this movie to you.  There are laughs, there's action, there are man-eating crocodiles... what more could you ask for... Oh Yeah, there's Betty White... nuff said!

Bigfoot (2012)

The Asylum

0 / 10

Oh my God, what a travesty.  This should have a tagline - "How Not To Make A Movie"

I love bad movies and The Asylum make some of the baddest around.  However, they know that they are bad so they film them tongue-in-cheek.  The Asylum films have been a secret love of mine and now they are giving us the great Z-Nation I'm proud to shout their names loud.  They have also done some pretty decent films - The Reeker 2 was even better than the original and had a more defined storyline.  Their adaptation of "War of the Worlds" brought the H G Wells novel up-to-date and was so much better than the dreadful Tom Cruise vehicle, even though they had a far less rich budget.  I even liked their version of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" over the big budget remake.  Then there are the AWESOME SHARKNADO films which show you how a B-movie should be filmed.

So with their output, it's no surprise that one day they would make a really atrocious movie.

The other thing, after The Asylum, which drew me to this film was nostalgia.  The had Bruce Davison playing the Sheriff, and has been a favourite actor of mine since I saw him in Harry and the Henderson's... yes, he was back in Bigfoot territory.  Along with Sherilyn Fenn, Howard Hesserman, and a cameo from the great Alice Cooper; who was the best thing, by far, in this film.

So what made this film so bad?

Everything.  I know it was 2012 so I can let some of the CGI effects slide, though on the whole, they were bad and a worst, laughable.

Next was the acting itself, only Alice Cooper seemed to put any effort into his character, where all the other actors just turned up on set and read their lines.  The worst were Bruce Davison (who seemed tired and dispassionate), and Barry Williams (who seemed disjointed from the entire movie and cast).

The writers of this trash, Brian Brinkman and Micho Rutare, are the main reason this movie and story are so terrible.  They hit every cliche in the book, which isn't such a bad thing as this is what The Asylum, is all about.  However, the characterisation of the cast is so two-dimensional that you just don't care. The reason why Alice Cooper is the best character on screen is because he's portraying himself, and we already relate to him and the persona he creates.  The writers just don't bring any depth or interest to the rest of the cast, so you don't care what happens to them.

Lastly, the direction was all over the place.  Which I'm really sorry to say as Bruce Davison directed the film.  This movie is not his finest hour.  Ah, well, at least it's far behind him now.

If you have a chance to see this film...  Grab some paint... go paint the room you've been putting off until tomorrow while listening to Alice Cooper...  Then sit back and watch the paint dry.  This would be more appealing than watching this film.