Movie Review - Thirst

Thirst

2015

The Cast

This film is in the Aliens mould, as it's more action with a side order of science fiction, and a little horror thrown in.

This is the story of a woman in a strange and dangerous place and who has a new child to feed.  So she sets out on her quest to feed her new borne... and only the blood of the humans will do...  An alien and her child crash in the desert where an outdoor Boot Camp has just received its new arrivals of troubled teens.  While out on the hike that will make them or break them, they come across the body of a dead neighbour.  All the fluids have been sucked out of his body...  now the hike has turned into a race for survival.

Though there's not much originality in the script or the film, the opening is very reminiscent of both the original and remake of The Blob, it's the direction and pace of the film which will keep the attention of the audience.  Director, Kiefer, is quite proficient at making a scene interesting.  A nice camera angle here and a just sweeping pan there.  This all helps to create an energetic and frenetic atmosphere, which is brilliant for an action based movie.

There is one nice original twist to the story though.  It's not the troubled teens that rush head-long into danger... it's the adults, who should know better.  I really liked this transposition of stereotypes.  It works especially well in the scene where the helicopter pilot won't take off - the surviving kids are just wanting to get out of the desert alive, but it's the pilot who stomps away singing, "Let's Go Die!"

The special effects are okay, though you can tell all the money went on the cyborg alien.  I must admit that I actually liked its design.  It's like a Centaur bred with a dog bred with a toaster.  The way it's skin and flesh hang off its mechanical skeleton looks pretty good.  The other thing I liked about the alien is the lack of backstory or origin.  You don't know if it's a robot or a cyborg or who or what created it.  It's not needed and the human victims wouldn't know.  It really bugs me when, in these situations, the hunted seems to know, or figures out, and understands everything about their "mysterious" hunter - making it less mysterious.

The acting is above average; nothing outstanding but nothing to switch off over.  All the cast do an appealing job with the character they're given, even though these are two-dimensional and stereotyped; this film is full of the usual suspects.

As it stands this is an enjoyable action flick.  Though it would have been nice to see a little more science fiction and horror elements in there.  There are a few opportunities for both.  The night scenes were ideal for the horror, and Kiefer does add a few tense and suspenseful moments.  There could have been a few more.  A couple in daylight wouldn't have gone amiss also.  Since the alien is part machine, this could have been used to expand the sci-fi elements.  It would have also been better had the alien's transport not been a meteor-like object, which is so overused.

I would recommend this to everybody who wants to waste a little time with a "Leave Your Brain At The Door" movie.  Get the popcorn and drinks and enjoy.

I give this a Fast & Furious Bodily Fluids Sucking 6.75 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Godzilla: Planet Of The Monsters

Godzilla:

Planet Of The Monsters

2017

The Cast

The Earth became a battleground when monsters of myth and legend began to surface.  The army was quick to dispatch them.  Though no sooner than one was killed another arose to take its place.  Until he arose... Godzilla.  No matter what the armies of the world could throw at him, he just kept coming.  Even the intervention of two alien species had no better luck at killing him.  His one single goal, to destroy all humankind.  Having only the option of escape, the remaining populace took to their ships and headed into space, searching for a new planet to call home.  With no new world in sight and supplies running low, they devise a plan to head home to Earth and destroy Godzilla.

This is a beautifully animated film.  The artwork is superb, but it's the colourisation that really adds a great depth and atmosphere to the movie.  The story is very Japanese in its origin as it constantly asks the one big question; you know the one about life, the universe, and everything?  Evidently, they don't agree with the answer of 42...  So there's a lot of angst and anxiety flowing through the whole story.  If you're suffering from depression, this may not be the film to watch right now.  However, when they return to terra firma, the action really heats up and the pace flies at a breakneck speed.  this is done so well, you should find yourself perched on the edge of your seat.  Another great thing is the soundtrack.  The full orchestration is rousing and motivating and is used superbly to create atmosphere and mood.  This is one all-around finely crafted film.

The characters are strong and have their own beliefs and way of acting on issues.  This is always a good thing as it adds interest for the audience.  Whether, it's the single-minded drive of Haruo Sakaki, to kill Godzilla and reclaim their heritage of Earth or his friend's manipulation of the council to get Sakaki released, so he can become a hero and gain power and acclimation, there are enough stories intertwined to keep it interesting.  The vocal talents do well with their roles, putting the right amount of emotion into their portrayals.  I have found that in most manga and anime there can be a tendency to go overboard, especially in the action or comedic scenes... things tend to get shouty.  Here, however, everything worked perfectly.

If you've not watched any manga before then I would recommend this as a good starting point.  I would also shout out to all manga and anime lovers to watch this flick.  I am looking forward to the following chapters.

I give this a monstrously huge 7.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Lake Placid 2

Lake Placid 2

2007

The Cast

Oh, My GOD!!!

How to take a dump on a decent film.  After the successfulness of the first flick it was inevitable a sequel would rear its ugly head... and boy is it ugly.

I originally watched this on its DVD release, though I must have forced myself to forget how bad the story and film really are.  I can't even say which is the worst as just about everything about this stinks, like a swamp in summer.  The story is pretty lame and even though there were officials on the scene in the original, for some reason those events appear to have been covered up as everybody believes it was an urban myth.  Even when they are presented with the facts they don't want to believe.  

Then there's the acting which is dire to say the best.  Though I've never rated John Schneider (Sheriff Riley) to be a great actor I did believe he was better than in this movie.  I'm not sure if Flores was going for camp characters or not, but he failed if he was.  The worst accent award goes to Sam McMurray (Struthers) his Irish Lilt was cringeworthy.  Even the likes of Cloris Leachman (Sadie Bickerman) couldn't lift this out of the silt at the bottom of the lake.  To be honest, it was the supporting cast that were probably the best actors in the whole thing.

Though I have to say, it could have been the director's fault for the characterisations, as he does call the shots.  Take the teenage rebels.  If they were wrote this unrealistically by Hurvitz and Miller it should have been Flores duty to make them more believable.  He failed.  These are basically your standard stereotypical bad-boys.  Though I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be a parody of the genre and a joke in itself.  Since the rest of the film is rubbish it's hard to differentiate.

Then there's the CGI.  Okay, so this was back in 2007 but it's still no excuse for some of the animation.  There's a lot of no thought gone into the making of this film and most are in the CGI scenes.  There are way too many scenes where the "dinner" is in shallow water but somehow the giant crocodile swims up out of the deep...  These crocs are also adept at pulling their prey from the shore or jetty.  Not sure how they do it... maybe their tongues have evolved into something similar to frogs...

This is a bad film... and I usually love bad films.  However, this has nothing good to recommend it to anyone.  If you've watched the first Lake Placid, then I would advise you to watch that one again.  Even if it's the hundredth viewing, you'll  still get more enjoyment from that film than this.

I give this sequel a Crocodile Kiss of 2.75 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Zoombies

Zoombies

(2016)

The Asylum : Amazon / The Asylum / Vendetta Films

4.5 / 10

I love bad movies and The Asylum makes some of the worst, just look at the Sharknado saga and the Z-Nation television series, which are both awesome.

Unfortunately, this film doesn't have the same coolness to it.  It should have because the story is sound.  Due to a couple of infected monkeys, the whole of a new zoo is infected with a virus that kills the diseased then reanimates them in a killing frenzy.  However, it's the acting and directing that make this film poor, luckily the tongue-in-cheek style of this film keeps it from failing.

Most of the acting is wooden, with the exception of Kim Neilsen who plays Dr Ellen Rodgers and LaLa Nester, as her daughter Thea, who is actually the best actress on the set.  The award for the best hammed-up over-acting award goes to Brianna Joy Chomer who turns Amber into a maniacal, self-centred hothead.  This character is so way over the top it's as annoying as hell and helps to spoil the movie.

It's a low budget affair so you expect the special effects to be poor, but on the whole, the CGI is passable I especially liked the attacking giraffes.   Though in the same scene the director holds too long on the cutaways of the actors who are being attacked and because there are no Giraffe's in the scene it makes the entire scene implausible.  Since I like bad movies, I loved the man in the gorilla suit.  Sweet.

If the acting were better and the direction tighter then this would have been a more enjoyable and pleasing movie.

If you love B-movie films and The Asylum then this is worth a watch, though not more than once.

Bigfoot (2012)

The Asylum

0 / 10

Oh my God, what a travesty.  This should have a tagline - "How Not To Make A Movie"

I love bad movies and The Asylum make some of the baddest around.  However, they know that they are bad so they film them tongue-in-cheek.  The Asylum films have been a secret love of mine and now they are giving us the great Z-Nation I'm proud to shout their names loud.  They have also done some pretty decent films - The Reeker 2 was even better than the original and had a more defined storyline.  Their adaptation of "War of the Worlds" brought the H G Wells novel up-to-date and was so much better than the dreadful Tom Cruise vehicle, even though they had a far less rich budget.  I even liked their version of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" over the big budget remake.  Then there are the AWESOME SHARKNADO films which show you how a B-movie should be filmed.

So with their output, it's no surprise that one day they would make a really atrocious movie.

The other thing, after The Asylum, which drew me to this film was nostalgia.  The had Bruce Davison playing the Sheriff, and has been a favourite actor of mine since I saw him in Harry and the Henderson's... yes, he was back in Bigfoot territory.  Along with Sherilyn Fenn, Howard Hesserman, and a cameo from the great Alice Cooper; who was the best thing, by far, in this film.

So what made this film so bad?

Everything.  I know it was 2012 so I can let some of the CGI effects slide, though on the whole, they were bad and a worst, laughable.

Next was the acting itself, only Alice Cooper seemed to put any effort into his character, where all the other actors just turned up on set and read their lines.  The worst were Bruce Davison (who seemed tired and dispassionate), and Barry Williams (who seemed disjointed from the entire movie and cast).

The writers of this trash, Brian Brinkman and Micho Rutare, are the main reason this movie and story are so terrible.  They hit every cliche in the book, which isn't such a bad thing as this is what The Asylum, is all about.  However, the characterisation of the cast is so two-dimensional that you just don't care. The reason why Alice Cooper is the best character on screen is because he's portraying himself, and we already relate to him and the persona he creates.  The writers just don't bring any depth or interest to the rest of the cast, so you don't care what happens to them.

Lastly, the direction was all over the place.  Which I'm really sorry to say as Bruce Davison directed the film.  This movie is not his finest hour.  Ah, well, at least it's far behind him now.

If you have a chance to see this film...  Grab some paint... go paint the room you've been putting off until tomorrow while listening to Alice Cooper...  Then sit back and watch the paint dry.  This would be more appealing than watching this film.