Movie Review - Thirst

Thirst

2015

The Cast

This film is in the Aliens mould, as it's more action with a side order of science fiction, and a little horror thrown in.

This is the story of a woman in a strange and dangerous place and who has a new child to feed.  So she sets out on her quest to feed her new borne... and only the blood of the humans will do...  An alien and her child crash in the desert where an outdoor Boot Camp has just received its new arrivals of troubled teens.  While out on the hike that will make them or break them, they come across the body of a dead neighbour.  All the fluids have been sucked out of his body...  now the hike has turned into a race for survival.

Though there's not much originality in the script or the film, the opening is very reminiscent of both the original and remake of The Blob, it's the direction and pace of the film which will keep the attention of the audience.  Director, Kiefer, is quite proficient at making a scene interesting.  A nice camera angle here and a just sweeping pan there.  This all helps to create an energetic and frenetic atmosphere, which is brilliant for an action based movie.

There is one nice original twist to the story though.  It's not the troubled teens that rush head-long into danger... it's the adults, who should know better.  I really liked this transposition of stereotypes.  It works especially well in the scene where the helicopter pilot won't take off - the surviving kids are just wanting to get out of the desert alive, but it's the pilot who stomps away singing, "Let's Go Die!"

The special effects are okay, though you can tell all the money went on the cyborg alien.  I must admit that I actually liked its design.  It's like a Centaur bred with a dog bred with a toaster.  The way it's skin and flesh hang off its mechanical skeleton looks pretty good.  The other thing I liked about the alien is the lack of backstory or origin.  You don't know if it's a robot or a cyborg or who or what created it.  It's not needed and the human victims wouldn't know.  It really bugs me when, in these situations, the hunted seems to know, or figures out, and understands everything about their "mysterious" hunter - making it less mysterious.

The acting is above average; nothing outstanding but nothing to switch off over.  All the cast do an appealing job with the character they're given, even though these are two-dimensional and stereotyped; this film is full of the usual suspects.

As it stands this is an enjoyable action flick.  Though it would have been nice to see a little more science fiction and horror elements in there.  There are a few opportunities for both.  The night scenes were ideal for the horror, and Kiefer does add a few tense and suspenseful moments.  There could have been a few more.  A couple in daylight wouldn't have gone amiss also.  Since the alien is part machine, this could have been used to expand the sci-fi elements.  It would have also been better had the alien's transport not been a meteor-like object, which is so overused.

I would recommend this to everybody who wants to waste a little time with a "Leave Your Brain At The Door" movie.  Get the popcorn and drinks and enjoy.

I give this a Fast & Furious Bodily Fluids Sucking 6.75 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Half Human

Half Human

1958

The Cast

This is a tale of two movies...  Back in the days, before they decided to redub foreign movies they did this.  Strip the original movie, in this case, Ju Jin Yuki Otoko, down to its basic storyline and better scenes (and in this case remove the sound too), then add segue segments where a narrator tells the story.  So here you have John Carradine playing Dr John Rayburn, an anthropologist, who is relating his latest adventure in the Orient to two of his esteemed colleagues.  A story about a group of friends holidaying when they come across "The Snowman".

The major drawback is the commentary given by Carradine.  Unfortunately, it's very badly written and flatly delivered.  So even when we meet the hulking creature we are neither in awe or in fear since we've been lulled into boredom by the dialogue.

To be honest, even the direction and acting given in the American sections of this film are below par.  Whereas the opening sequence of the skiers on the mountainside is breathtaking and thought-provoking, even though it's in black and white and not been remastered that well.  In fact, all of the original movie scenes are far superior to the added American sets.  Not only in filming, which has some really nice shots, both iconic and scenic, but also in the acting.  Even though they've diluted the sound the expressions on the actors and actresses faces say's it all.

And for those reasons, I would recommend trying to find a dubbed or subbed version of the original instead of watching this as it looks more entertaining... and so much better.

I give this Big Ape A Missing Link of 3.25 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Godzilla: Planet Of The Monsters

Godzilla:

Planet Of The Monsters

2017

The Cast

The Earth became a battleground when monsters of myth and legend began to surface.  The army was quick to dispatch them.  Though no sooner than one was killed another arose to take its place.  Until he arose... Godzilla.  No matter what the armies of the world could throw at him, he just kept coming.  Even the intervention of two alien species had no better luck at killing him.  His one single goal, to destroy all humankind.  Having only the option of escape, the remaining populace took to their ships and headed into space, searching for a new planet to call home.  With no new world in sight and supplies running low, they devise a plan to head home to Earth and destroy Godzilla.

This is a beautifully animated film.  The artwork is superb, but it's the colourisation that really adds a great depth and atmosphere to the movie.  The story is very Japanese in its origin as it constantly asks the one big question; you know the one about life, the universe, and everything?  Evidently, they don't agree with the answer of 42...  So there's a lot of angst and anxiety flowing through the whole story.  If you're suffering from depression, this may not be the film to watch right now.  However, when they return to terra firma, the action really heats up and the pace flies at a breakneck speed.  this is done so well, you should find yourself perched on the edge of your seat.  Another great thing is the soundtrack.  The full orchestration is rousing and motivating and is used superbly to create atmosphere and mood.  This is one all-around finely crafted film.

The characters are strong and have their own beliefs and way of acting on issues.  This is always a good thing as it adds interest for the audience.  Whether, it's the single-minded drive of Haruo Sakaki, to kill Godzilla and reclaim their heritage of Earth or his friend's manipulation of the council to get Sakaki released, so he can become a hero and gain power and acclimation, there are enough stories intertwined to keep it interesting.  The vocal talents do well with their roles, putting the right amount of emotion into their portrayals.  I have found that in most manga and anime there can be a tendency to go overboard, especially in the action or comedic scenes... things tend to get shouty.  Here, however, everything worked perfectly.

If you've not watched any manga before then I would recommend this as a good starting point.  I would also shout out to all manga and anime lovers to watch this flick.  I am looking forward to the following chapters.

I give this a monstrously huge 7.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - 2010: Moby Dick

2010: Moby Dick

2010

The Cast

The Asylum V's Herman Melville in the Moby Dick Re-Dux.

This is where I start to wave the B-Movie flag above my head and scream "Yeah!"  There's a lot I like about this film... most of it being Bostwick's interpretation of Captain Ahab.  There's a joyous insanity about it.  I also liked the location.  No longer onboard a ship we're placed in the confines of a submarine and actually get to take on the great white one in his own territory.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work as well as it should.

Not having read the Melville tome I cannot compare the two, though I do hope they stuck to the story; like they did with War Of The Worlds and The Day The Earth Stopped.

Though, I do believe Bales did an admirable job of updating the story as well as changing the location to work within its confines.  Of course, there are your usual Asylum staples, such as helicopters being taken out of midair... usually without damage to the beastie of the moment.  Though I really did like the whale watchers tour scene, you know what's coming, but hey, you're still gonna love it.

The acting, for the most part, is decent.  And as I stated earlier, Bostwick has fun with Ahab.  Though, I believe it's Renee O'Connor, of Xena and Hercules fame, who gets the short end of the stick.  She is underused in this film and I don't believe that her character was meaty enough to compete with or complement that of Ahab.

The other good part of the film is Moby Dick itself.  There are some nice scenes where he's visible, such as the beginning on the ice.  For 2010, it's passable... though it's starting to look a bit rough and cheap today.  Though there is a good scene towards the end.  A Navy man runs into the shallows of the beach, believing there's a chance of being saved.  Unfortunately, we realise before he does that he's not in any shallows... as we see Moby Dick open his eye under the water.  In one movement, he flicks the man into the air and catches him in mid-flight.  The worst part is the budget.  So, even though Moby looks okay, by the time we reach the finale the effects are looking laughable.  The scene where Moby has a couple trapped behind a rock on the beach is one of the worst green screens I've seen.

This isn't the best Asylum film I've watched, though it isn't the worst either.  It's worth one watch just for Bostwick.  So for fans of updated classics, The Asylum, and Barry Bostwick I would gladly recommend this for at least one viewing.

I give this white behemoth a 5 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Behemoth: The Sea Monster

Behemoth:  The Sea Monster

AKA:  The Giant Behemoth

1959 

The Cast

Now, let me tell you I could be a little biased here with my scoring. For this film lit the light of remembrance and melancholy within me.   As it took me back to my childhood.  There was a time when the good old BBC would play these movies on a Saturday afternoon:  On BBC2 while BBC1 had Grandstand.  I remember watching these Sci-Fi monster flicks with my Nan on cold and wet winter days, usually in front of a warm gas fire.  Those were good days.  So, I thank the makers of the film for giving me this memory.

What you have is a pretty bog-standard tale of nuclear radiation mutation... as was par for the course in the fifties.  Here though, not only does it mutate a creature to an enormous size, but apparently resurrects a long-dead dinosaur.  This then goes on the rampage through London.  Though what makes this a little better than the average film in this genre is the extra details.  We don't start in London but in a little fishing village in Cornwall where strange things have been occurring; a man being burned with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns, shoals of dead fish washing up on the beach, and strange lights under the surface of the sea.  This pulls the viewer in with the mystery.  There's also the brilliant usage of the radiation because if you get too close to the creature then you burn.  When we arrive at the rampage, the director uses parts of London not fully rebuilt after the war to create an atmosphere that works well.  Also, the large amount of extra's running from the monster is just right - not one or two people, but a hole streets worth of men and women.

The director is very good at his work.  He sets the pace of this film perfectly.  There's a small crescendo at the beginning when Marine Biologist Steve Karnes' is warning the government about the possible side effects of radiation on the oceans and their populace.  Then drops to a steadier pace with the mysterious happenings.  Building up slowly to the rampage at the climax.  Spot on perfect.

The special effects, for their time, are not quite as good as others.  However, they are passable.  It's nice the puppeteer changed out to a fully automated Behemoth for the later scenes as the fixed mouth version that attacked the ferry looked a little silly.  I have to admit I really loved the part where the Behemoth walks through the dockyards.  The part where he wrecks one crane by tearing it apart with his teeth and the other by simply walking through it is one of the better stop animation sequences I've seen.  I liked the fact the director filmed it from the position of the pavement, which had the effect of giving size to the creature.

This was a very enjoyable flick, to say the least.  The story and the filming were solid as too was the acting.  Everybody put their skills into making this a very watchable movie.  Not remembering the movie fully, I thought that the two main characters in the fishing village section Jean (Madison) and John (Turner) would be in the whole show, their acting is that good.  However, when we leave the village we never see them again.

If you've never caught a '50's sci-fi monster flick then this one would be a nice place to start.  And if you are a fan of the genre, then find a copy and watch this once more, it's worth it.

I give this a behemoth 7 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Kong Lives

King Kong Lives

1986

The Cast

It took a long time to make a sequel to the remake of King Kong from 1979... and I can see why... lack of a decent story.  And it's the story and ropy special effects that hurt this film.

So the movie opens with the ending of the 1979 remake; Kong's fall from the tower.  However, he doesn't die.  As the years pass the doctors realise his heart is failing and his blood is poisoned.  They could fit an artificial heart but without a transfusion, Kong will die.  Enter Hank Mitchell (Kerwin), who whilst exploring the African continent comes across a second giant gorilla... phew, just in time to save the plotline...  Even better for the plot, the ape is female.  Against the lead doctor's advice, Amy Franklin (Hamilton), the college assigned to study Kong ship the female across, instead of just taking her blood.  Of course, when you put two giant apes together, of different genders, things are bound to get amorous and frisky.  As with humans, love and lust can drive apes to do desperate deeds.  However, instead of running amuck, the apes settle down to domestic bliss... which totally upsets Lt Col Nevitt as he has some really expensive weapons to play with... and Goddamnit, he's gonna play with them and so sets out to destroy the happy couple.

Okay, so I'm making light of the story plot, but hey, that, in a nutshell, is the story.  For a creature feature, there's way too many scenes of Mr & Mrs K sitting around picking racoons off of each other.  Also, the fact that it's two men in Gorilla costumes is so evident it's laughable, especially today.  This section of the film doesn't wear well after an age.  However, it's the other effects that add strength to the action sequences of the film.  The fight scenes between apes and army are well done and are paced so well as to actually be exciting.

The other thing that carries the film is the acting.  Though the leads, Brian Kerwin and Linda Hamilton are very good in their roles, it was John Ashton as Nevitt that made this film for me.

I'd not really recommend this film to anybody.  To be truthful, the original movie is still superb and better than this, let alone the Peter Jackson Remake and the latest action flick Kong: Skull Island, both of which are superior in every way.  Though if you like your monster movies with a heavy dose of cheesiness then maybe you can give this a go... it does have it's good points.

I give this two-for-one Kong a slightly boring 5.25 out of 10.

The Trailers

Movie Review - Lake Placid 2

Lake Placid 2

2007

The Cast

Oh, My GOD!!!

How to take a dump on a decent film.  After the successfulness of the first flick it was inevitable a sequel would rear its ugly head... and boy is it ugly.

I originally watched this on its DVD release, though I must have forced myself to forget how bad the story and film really are.  I can't even say which is the worst as just about everything about this stinks, like a swamp in summer.  The story is pretty lame and even though there were officials on the scene in the original, for some reason those events appear to have been covered up as everybody believes it was an urban myth.  Even when they are presented with the facts they don't want to believe.  

Then there's the acting which is dire to say the best.  Though I've never rated John Schneider (Sheriff Riley) to be a great actor I did believe he was better than in this movie.  I'm not sure if Flores was going for camp characters or not, but he failed if he was.  The worst accent award goes to Sam McMurray (Struthers) his Irish Lilt was cringeworthy.  Even the likes of Cloris Leachman (Sadie Bickerman) couldn't lift this out of the silt at the bottom of the lake.  To be honest, it was the supporting cast that were probably the best actors in the whole thing.

Though I have to say, it could have been the director's fault for the characterisations, as he does call the shots.  Take the teenage rebels.  If they were wrote this unrealistically by Hurvitz and Miller it should have been Flores duty to make them more believable.  He failed.  These are basically your standard stereotypical bad-boys.  Though I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be a parody of the genre and a joke in itself.  Since the rest of the film is rubbish it's hard to differentiate.

Then there's the CGI.  Okay, so this was back in 2007 but it's still no excuse for some of the animation.  There's a lot of no thought gone into the making of this film and most are in the CGI scenes.  There are way too many scenes where the "dinner" is in shallow water but somehow the giant crocodile swims up out of the deep...  These crocs are also adept at pulling their prey from the shore or jetty.  Not sure how they do it... maybe their tongues have evolved into something similar to frogs...

This is a bad film... and I usually love bad films.  However, this has nothing good to recommend it to anyone.  If you've watched the first Lake Placid, then I would advise you to watch that one again.  Even if it's the hundredth viewing, you'll  still get more enjoyment from that film than this.

I give this sequel a Crocodile Kiss of 2.75 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Stung

Stung

2015

Rat Pack Film Produktion / XYZ films : Entertainment One / IFC Films / IFC Midnite

4.75

Giant wasps attacking a garden party; it's a simple premise with a simple story, so what could go wrong...

Everything...

But first, let's address the good issues about the movie.  The wasps are well thought-out and generated and they are also one of the better creations of the writer Adam Aresty who has them able to multiply by injecting something into their victims.  This has the effect of creating ultra large wasps from their hosts.  A tad unbelievable but this is a monster movie horror film.  I even liked the fact that Aresty didn't even try to explain the event with scientific twaddle.

The other good thing about the film is actor Daniele Rizzo who plays the musical entertainment, Larry.  He gets so into his character that he appears to be the only one their intent on earning his wage.  Even veteran Lance Henriksen comes across as being lost and confused for most of the movie.

Now for the bad parts of the movie...

This is listed as a comedy though there's less humour, even dark, here than there are in none comedy flicks,  Only one joke managed to flicker a smile on my face.

The acting; for most of the film the actors, with the exception of Rizzo, look bored and this hinders their performance and portrayal of the characters, which come across as two-dimensional.  This would be a bad thing in just one actor but in ninety percent it had me feeling the same way.

The direction;  Though Benni Diez does try to build some dark and ominous atmosphere, he fails at adding excitement, which is needed when the wasps' attack.  He's also not so good at filming comedy scenes; the beginning of the film is so badly filmed it comes across as monotonous rather than humourous and I wanted to turn off then and there.  But being a monster movie fan I had to wait for the monsters to turn up at least, didn't I(?)

What this film requires is a shot of life and energy.  If it's on telly when there appears to be nothing worth watching (like reality TV) then you could give it a try.

Movie Review - Mongolian Death Worm

Mongolian Death Worm

2010

Andrew Stevens Entertainment / Black Chrome Productions / Cinetel Films / RHI Entertainment / Sweet Tater :  SyFy / Eagle Films

6.5 / 10

Being a Tremors fan, of course, I was going to watch this movie and I'm glad I did as it turned out to be better than some of the Tremors sequels.  However, don't get me wrong this isn't a fantastic film, though I did find it entertaining.

The story isn't that original and the climax is as predictable as it can be, the writers, Neil Elman, Kevin Leeson, and Steven R Monroe (who also directs) doesn't give the audience anything new or any surprises along the way.  It's pretty average standard fayre for SyFy movies.

Monroe however, does a slightly better job of directing and goes for the rollercoaster effect which works well.  When the action starts he builds up the pace and the slows it down accordingly at other times.  The trouble is he's not too good at building up tension, anticipation, and excitement;  any of these would have made for a better film.

It's Sean Patrick Flanery as the wise-guy treasure hunter Daniel, and George Cheung, as the self-confident police officer, Timur, that make this film an enjoyable watch.  Their characters get the best lines and when they meet up you can tell theirs a chemistry between the pair as they work well off one another. The rest of the cast are also good and do a credible job with their characters and add strength to the story and film.

The CGI special effects for 2010 were pretty good, remember this is a TV movie so doesn't have the production of bigger budget movies.  One of the better aspects of the Death Worm were its teeth.  You definitely do not want a love bite from one of these.  

If you like Tremors or monster movies then you may like this, it's at least worth watching when it come on again, though I'd say I wouldn't spend money on buying it.

Movie Review - Lake Placid

Lake Placid

(1999)

Fox 2000 Pictures / Phoenix Pictures / Rocking Chair Productions : Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation / 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

8 / 10

Now, this is a monster movie for the twenty-first century.  A good romp through the bizarreness of science fiction.  In the fifties, it was the fear of radiation; now, it's mother nature.

There's no explanation of the killer croc being where it is, though all the experts say it shouldn't be there.  Be we don't need to know why it's in the lake, all we are worried about is the gory fun that will ensue because it is.

The strange thing about the film is that it's not really about the two lead roles.  I think this is down to the writers developing better roles in the Hecter Cyr played flamboyantly by Oliver Platt and Sheriff Hank Keough spiritedly portrayed by Brenden Gleeson and the repartee they have between them.  Then when Betty White come on the scene as Mrs Delores Bickerman, the croc's mother, she steals the show.  Which is a shame for Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda as they look adrift next to the minor roles.

The director, Steve Minor does an expert job of building up the pace and keeping the excitement and humour rolling along at an increasing pace.

For the most part, the special effects are superb some of the hardest things to do are to create fur on animals and get their movements correct the digital artists did really good work here, and it was 1999.  Stan Winston and his studios looked after the hard effects and the puppet crocodile, which is amazing in its lifelike quality.

If you're looking for good fun that you don't need to think about just enjoy then I'd recommend this movie to you.  There are laughs, there's action, there are man-eating crocodiles... what more could you ask for... Oh Yeah, there's Betty White... nuff said!

Movie Review - Mimic

Mimic

(1997)

Dimension Films / Miramax : Buena Vista International

7.5 / 10

Man's greatest enemy turns out to be the cockroach that carries a deadly virus which is devastating the American population.  Enter Entomologist Dr Susan Tyler who has genetically modified a group of insects to become the cockroach's  greatest enemy.

Years later when the pandemic has been averted, something else is starting to kill off the human race.  We are not top of the food chain.  Though the designed insects were sterile and were engineered to only live six months, nature found a way, as it always does, to set a new balance.

This is a very clever Sci-Fi monster movie that adds thrills and scares into the genetically altered mix.  There are plenty of animals in the world that disguises themselves so they can hide when being hunted... or when hunting.  So why not disguise themselves as humans?  The writers, Donald A Wollheim who wrote the original short story, Matthew Robins and Guillermo del Toro, do a great job of using this fact and making this feel realistic.

The realism is also in thanks to Rob Bottin who designed the creature and the character shop and other special effects maestros who brought them to life.  Though released in 1997 the effects are just as strong today twenty years on.  I believe this is the case due to them not relying on CGI.

Del Toro does a brilliant job of bringing the story to the screen and adding his own style and artistry.  He also brings the best out of his cast to make the characters believable, though, with the likes of Mira Sorvino, Giancarlo Giannini, Charles S Dutton, Josh Brolin, and F Murray Abraham, it couldn't have been too difficult.  For this type of film, this is a stellar cast.

Though it's not the best film Guillermo del Toro has created, it isn't his worst.  If you have yet to see this movie then I would say give it a try, especially if you like monster movies, science fiction, or horror.

Movie Review - The Hatching

The Hatching

(2016)

Creativity Capitol / Media Pro One / Sabre Films / Spice Factory : Grindstone Entertainment / Lionsgate Home Entertainment

2 / 10

As a lover of B-Movie Monster Movies, I really was looking forward to this one as it's set in England in Somerset and stars Andrew Lee Potts, Thomas Turgoose, and Justin Lee Collins.

On paper, this sounds like it would have been brilliant, however, what we get are an unfunny comedy and a rubber crocodile monster movie.  In this day and age, we should be able to do better with the special effects.  Even if you have to resort to creating an artificial creature, that is pivotal to the plot, at least do it right.  The croc looks like it was built out of leftover Wellingtons and if it took a bite out of you all you would do was laugh, as there's no skull and no jawbones... it's all loose and floppy.

There are also some dismembered body parts that also suffer from the no bone syndrome, I've never seen a floppier leg.  These atrocious effects are the only thing that's funny in this movie as writers, Michael Anderson and Nick Squire, aren't the best at writing comedy and it really shows in this movie.  Apart from the laughable effects, the comedy falls flat on its face - and not in a good way like slapstick.

Michael Anderson who also directed this picture doesn't seem to be able to get the best out of his cast.  Potts and Turgoose are very good actors and I would watch anything they are in but this proves that under poor direction even good actors can come off weak and insincere.

If you like comedic monster movies then stay away from this film.

Movie Review - Zoombies

Zoombies

(2016)

The Asylum : Amazon / The Asylum / Vendetta Films

4.5 / 10

I love bad movies and The Asylum makes some of the worst, just look at the Sharknado saga and the Z-Nation television series, which are both awesome.

Unfortunately, this film doesn't have the same coolness to it.  It should have because the story is sound.  Due to a couple of infected monkeys, the whole of a new zoo is infected with a virus that kills the diseased then reanimates them in a killing frenzy.  However, it's the acting and directing that make this film poor, luckily the tongue-in-cheek style of this film keeps it from failing.

Most of the acting is wooden, with the exception of Kim Neilsen who plays Dr Ellen Rodgers and LaLa Nester, as her daughter Thea, who is actually the best actress on the set.  The award for the best hammed-up over-acting award goes to Brianna Joy Chomer who turns Amber into a maniacal, self-centred hothead.  This character is so way over the top it's as annoying as hell and helps to spoil the movie.

It's a low budget affair so you expect the special effects to be poor, but on the whole, the CGI is passable I especially liked the attacking giraffes.   Though in the same scene the director holds too long on the cutaways of the actors who are being attacked and because there are no Giraffe's in the scene it makes the entire scene implausible.  Since I like bad movies, I loved the man in the gorilla suit.  Sweet.

If the acting were better and the direction tighter then this would have been a more enjoyable and pleasing movie.

If you love B-movie films and The Asylum then this is worth a watch, though not more than once.

Movie Review - Terrordactyl

Terrordactyl

aka Jurassic Wars

2016

3rd Films : MarVista Entertainment / Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

2 / 10

I had some hopes for this film, not high ones, after all, it is a budget B-Movie Monster flick.  Though MarVista has been distributing these type of movies for years now, I thought they would be "Cherry Picking" the better ones.  However, the budget must have been spent on the CGI and Model-FX as the rest of the movie was pitiful in the extreme.

So, the good first:  There were times when the CGI Terrordactyls were pretty decent and quite believable.  Unfortunately, viewers only remember the badly rendered scenes.  When the Terrordactyls are swarming and flying through the city and around the apartment block, these are the best CGI scenes.  The worst being the whenever a human gets snatched by one, these scenes made me smile in their badness.

Then there's the puppetry when you get the one-to-one fight scenes with the humans V the Terrordactyls.  The major drawback is the budget, once again.  But to be fair the 'Dactyls aren't too bad, that being said there are times when the movement of these puppets are awkward and I even felt embarrassed for the team working on them.  Especially the part in the apartment where the 'Dactyls keep lining up for the heroes to shoot them down - just like all the fairground games... it would've been funnier had the director decided to play calliope music over the scene.

This is another area where the film failed, the writer and director, Don Bitters III and Geoff Reisner, try to install humour throughout the film, though most of this falls flat.  Sometimes, due to the writer, but most of all due to the actors.

The best I can say about the actors is that they were below par and, at times, annoying.  The worst was Jonas' maniacal laugh, which wasn't even called for.  To be fair, they didn't have too much to work with, thanks to the writer, Don Bitters, whose characters were stereotypical. Even though characters in these genre films are usually stereotyped, in this movie there also boring to the N'th degree and two-dimensional.  Then you have the inane backstory of the Terrordacytls having been blown into space when the dinosaur-killing meteor hit the earth...  What else from Earth's past is waiting in space to fall upon us?

Hopefully, NOTHING by this film crew!

Except for the CGI artists.

I really don't understand why you want to make a movie (or do anything, for that matter) and not give it your best effort.  If this is their best effort than they should start working in call centers and stop inflicting your audiences with half-baked ideas and movies,  Give us something decent - and yes even Bad films can be entertaining "SHARKNADO!!!"

Don't waste your time on this badly written, badly acted, nonsense.  Go give blood - at least you get a cup of tea and biscuit after.

Bigfoot (2012)

The Asylum

0 / 10

Oh my God, what a travesty.  This should have a tagline - "How Not To Make A Movie"

I love bad movies and The Asylum make some of the baddest around.  However, they know that they are bad so they film them tongue-in-cheek.  The Asylum films have been a secret love of mine and now they are giving us the great Z-Nation I'm proud to shout their names loud.  They have also done some pretty decent films - The Reeker 2 was even better than the original and had a more defined storyline.  Their adaptation of "War of the Worlds" brought the H G Wells novel up-to-date and was so much better than the dreadful Tom Cruise vehicle, even though they had a far less rich budget.  I even liked their version of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" over the big budget remake.  Then there are the AWESOME SHARKNADO films which show you how a B-movie should be filmed.

So with their output, it's no surprise that one day they would make a really atrocious movie.

The other thing, after The Asylum, which drew me to this film was nostalgia.  The had Bruce Davison playing the Sheriff, and has been a favourite actor of mine since I saw him in Harry and the Henderson's... yes, he was back in Bigfoot territory.  Along with Sherilyn Fenn, Howard Hesserman, and a cameo from the great Alice Cooper; who was the best thing, by far, in this film.

So what made this film so bad?

Everything.  I know it was 2012 so I can let some of the CGI effects slide, though on the whole, they were bad and a worst, laughable.

Next was the acting itself, only Alice Cooper seemed to put any effort into his character, where all the other actors just turned up on set and read their lines.  The worst were Bruce Davison (who seemed tired and dispassionate), and Barry Williams (who seemed disjointed from the entire movie and cast).

The writers of this trash, Brian Brinkman and Micho Rutare, are the main reason this movie and story are so terrible.  They hit every cliche in the book, which isn't such a bad thing as this is what The Asylum, is all about.  However, the characterisation of the cast is so two-dimensional that you just don't care. The reason why Alice Cooper is the best character on screen is because he's portraying himself, and we already relate to him and the persona he creates.  The writers just don't bring any depth or interest to the rest of the cast, so you don't care what happens to them.

Lastly, the direction was all over the place.  Which I'm really sorry to say as Bruce Davison directed the film.  This movie is not his finest hour.  Ah, well, at least it's far behind him now.

If you have a chance to see this film...  Grab some paint... go paint the room you've been putting off until tomorrow while listening to Alice Cooper...  Then sit back and watch the paint dry.  This would be more appealing than watching this film.